The Shiny Marty Problem


Back to the future, one of the greatest movies ever made what genre would you put it into though? Adventure? Sci-fi? Well whatever label you give it you’re wrong. It’s a murder mystery, a murder mystery so good you don’t even notice anybody got killed.

Right now pay attention. At the start of the film we’re in 1985 (this shall be known as the derpy timeline) Martys old man George Mcfly is a plank, his mum is an alcoholic, his brother is a burger flipping fuck tard and I don’t even know what his sister does. The house they live in is crappy and biff trashed the car.

“my god they’ve found us, I don’t know how but they’ve found us. Run for it Marty!” and 88mph later we find Marty back in good old 1955. Now as you know this is where it all goes tits up, younger readers of this and first time viewers of the film often criticise Marty for breaking the golden rule of time travel. Don’t touch anything, don’t talk to anybody. Well Marty McFly is the reason we have this rule stop getting your popular culture references from family guy. (yes Edward I’m talking to you)

Marty breaks this rule when his own mum falls for him, which in turn ends up rubbing his brother and sister out of a family photo. Skip to the end, Marty teaches his dad to stand up for himself and his mum not to drink so much. Yay! Everything fixed. Marty heads back to 1955 version of Doc who then sends him back to the future.

During the instant that Marty spends traveling through time 30 years pass for Lorraine and George. At some point they get their fuck on and have kids first David then Linda and finally Marty. The now inspired George who follows his dreams and stands up for himself is a well published science fiction writer which of course means money. Naturally he buys a better car and sends the kids to a better school creating a brighter future for the family – a shinyer future if you will.

So now we are in the shiny timeline of 1985; Marty’s brother David is a lawyer, his dad has a new bestseller out, I still don’t know what his bloody sister does and his mums not such a hog. They are all so shiny. Even the car, which Biff now has to clean.

Still with me? Good I’m nearly there. The Marty who was originally from the derpy 1985 who went back to 1955 but changed it to a shiny timeline has now arrived in the new shiny 1985. During the 30 year gap we know that George and Lorraine did have a Marty because they recognise him when he gets home. But this isn’t the Marty from the shiny timeline this Marty is from the derpy one.

So where the fuck is the shiny Marty?

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5 thoughts on “The Shiny Marty Problem

  1. Sonic Alpha says:

    His sister was a bit of a ho, in both time lines.

  2. Edward says:

    You know I’ve seen (and utterly loved) the Back to the Future trilogy, right? 😛
    Also, I stopped watching Family Guy ages ago. It went horrible two seasons ago. I just quote the good family guy. 🙂

  3. Edward says:

    Also I assume that in order to avoid a duplicate he replaces the original one. Which wouldn’t make sense because of derpy timeline marty in 2.
    I’m stumped.

  4. Shiny Marty is in a time travel facility, stupid.

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